When I talk to friends who are also caring for their dementia/Altzeihmer’s parent, they describe him or her like a shell of a person walking about the house. When I read online about dementia related anger, it seems like the anger subsides if we can just redirect them. Will Ben’s anger subside some day?
The Peel
Ken said to me the other day that the theme of our experience with dementia is, “No good deed is left unpunished.” While last week was a wonderful time of seeing his dad’s love for God and love for people, this week has been the other side of the pendulum swing. Our every effort to fulfill his desires has resulted in more anger and more lashing out.
We don’t feel completely comfortable putting him in a car anymore because he has taken to hitting us when he doesn’t get what he wants. But, we still try to get him to connect with his loved ones via video. By the end of the call, Ben is certain that someone said we would take him there right away. He yells, “Why aren’t you taking me!?!”
Spending time together often results in a backlash of anger afterward. He and I can spend all morning together eating breakfast and playing games on his computer. It can seem like a good time until he screams, “I’ll never play that game with you again! Go put it away!”
My husband’s friends are amazing. They welcome Ben with open arms and make him feel like he belongs in their circle. Ben really responds well to this and he loves meeting with them every two weeks for Bible discussion and game playing. Sadly, when he returns home he inevitably becomes irritable because the evening has ended.
It’s tempting to stop trying to be nice to him since it feels like we get punished in return.
The Fruit
But, then I remember how often I take God for granted. How many blessings has God given me only to have me shake my fist at him in return? How many times have I thought, “I like what you did then, but now I want . . . !”
Seeing Ben behave this way reveals my own heart toward God. I’m humbled and happy that He doesn’t give up on me. He forgives me as many times as I offend him. Thanks to Jesus paying the price for my actions, I have confidence in knowing that God will love me despite my downfalls.
Experiencing Ben’s behavior gives me a taste of my own tantrums toward God. I’m thankful for God’s forgiveness toward me. I'm learning to forgive Ben. Though he doesn’t express it, I know that Ben is thankful for our forgiveness. We still reach out in love even though "punishment" will follow.
***
31 You must put away all bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and slanderous talk—indeed all malice. 32 Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NET)
21 Then Peter came to him and said, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times!
Matthew 8:21-22
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