Moving Out

Ben moved out today. People have been asking me how I feel about it. To nobody’s surprise, I have very mixed emotions.

The Peel

All things considered, I have to thank God for smooth sailing. Aside from Ben throwing a chair at me this morning because he didn’t want me near his stuff, everything went as well as we could have hoped. His daughter came into town and, together with my husband, took Ben out to lunch. While they were out, I collected the rest of his things and took them to his new room. After lunch, they delivered him to his new home. He actually transitioned very easily. Now he lives in a group home with four other residents and round-the-clock care.

I’m really excited to be getting our family lives back. My last child will only be living in our house for a few more months, so I’m glad to have quality time with him before he goes. My other children are faithful about coming home every week for family-time, so we look forward to being able to do things without needing to consider how to handle Ben. My husband has been so stressed, so I’m thankful to see him being himself again.

However, to be completely honest, I am mostly sad. I’m sad because we could have taken care of him for a long time. Had he been more satisfied and less angry, we would have gladly made provisions for him to continue living with his family for as long as possible. In my heart, I know he would rather be with his family and getting the personal care we provided. I’m sad because he, in his demented state, brought on his own placement into a group home. I feel gypped of the opportunity to fully honor him and let him finish well in his final years.

The Fruit

I suppose that this is somewhat how God feels about his beloved creation. It was supposed to be a wonderful work of art existing in perfect harmony and completely connected with Himself. Instead, the world and its inhabitants reject Him and destroy each other. I imagine that perhaps God feels robbed of being able to fully enjoy His creation.

Maybe He also feels my greatest feeling - a hopeful yearning to be reunited in heaven. I long to see Ben in his sinless, diseaseless state being immersed in God’s love. How wonderful it will be to embrace Ben without hesitation, protection, or rejection and to see how he was meant to be as a created child of God. In the midst of feeling happy, sad, and cut short, what stands out the most in my heart is a feeling full of hope for the future. Thank God that this life is not the end of the story.

***

For I consider that our present sufferings cannot even be compared to the coming glory that will be revealed to us. For the creation eagerly waits for the revelation of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility—not willingly but because of God who subjected it—in hope that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of decay into the glorious freedom of God’s children. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers together until now. Not only this, but we ourselves also, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we eagerly await our adoption, the redemption of our bodies.

Romans 8:18-23 (NET)