With Ben’s departure coming up, we are tempted to wait until the day of his move to tell him about it. Advanced notice of upcoming events has not gone well in the past. But, even if it is the most loving thing to do, we believe it will make him feel abandoned and rejected. So, with lots of prayer, we are telling him about it.
The Peel
Ben is only able to process things he wants to hear. I think it has something to do with his inability to process more than one thing at a time. The one thought that is always on his mind is getting better and moving back home with his wife. Talking to him about anything else is futile.
Yesterday, we told him the news of his upcoming move in a way that aligns with his one thought. We told him that we found a “therapy home” filled with professionals who are more experienced with dementia and Alzheimer’s and who may be able to help him more than we can. He clearly isn’t going to get better at our house, so perhaps he can get better in this new place.
I can’t imagine that he fully understands the implications, but he did receive the news with enthusiasm. “I’ll do anything,” he said (except eat vegetables, reduce sugar intake, or do brain exercises, but who’s counting?).
“The first step is getting a covid test.” He likes steps and direction. We did this today and it went well also. Perhaps the promise to go to Chick-fil-A afterward helped encourage him to go. Now he is pacing back and forth asking when we will leave. “The next step is to wait 2-3 days until the test results come back.” Waiting is more difficult.
He is scheduled to move in four days. Many things can happen in that timeframe, but we are trusting God and praying for a smooth transition.
The Fruit
How often do we block out the noise from stuff we don’t like or that disagrees with us? In many ways, I am similar to Ben. I don’t watch the news, I stay out of politics, I rarely see a doctor, and I tune out social media.
The truth is that there is no way for us to listen to everything. We all have to draw a line somewhere that cuts out less interesting information. Much of today’s society draws the line at cutting off opinions that don't agree with their own. I tend to cut out anything that has nothing to do with spiritual matters or personal relationships. Ben simply has a more narrow focus than most of us.
I guess the lesson to learn here is this - we should assume that people restrict what they listen to. To successfully communicate something to someone, we need to first understand what they can hear. Whatever we have to tell can be told in a way that aligns with what they can hear.
Of course, this would require patience and compassionate listening. I wonder if I can learn that lesson!
***
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. So put away all filth and evil excess and humbly welcome the message implanted within you, which is able to save your souls.
James 1:19-21 (NET)
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