There are two ways to manage suffering - focusing on it going away and focusing on it serving a purpose. Part of me wants both but that’s not realistic. If the pain were to vanish, then so would the need to change and grow. It’s working through the suffering that produces good fruit.
When we see through the pain of a situation and become grateful for the purpose it serves, we become thankful for the suffering. This, in turn, produces a kind of fruit in our lives that changes us forever. We learn patience, perseverance, compassion, and a whole host of positive characteristics. Like fruit, our new outlook grows and reproduces more good fruit both in our lives and in the lives of others.
The Peel
Just when we thought Ben had made every possible attempt at convincing us to let him move back in with his wife, he found two more: force and bribery.
Ben packed boxes full of his stuff and commanded us to put them into our car and take them to his wife’s house. No matter what we said, his response was the same, “Now go up there and get my stuff. Put it in your car and let’s go!”
After two days of trying to force his will, he resorted to bribery. He retrieved a large sum of money from his bank account and offered it to his wife if she would just take him back.
Unfortunately, when he doesn’t get his way, his anger only reinforces our decision. He can only fixate on making his suffering go away. And when it doesn’t, he lashes out. But, if he had the capacity to see the positive parts, like growth and opportunity, then he would become humble and thankful. If that were the case, he possibly could have the very thing he wants and he wouldn’t suffer so much! It is so sad for us to watch him sabotage his own efforts.
The Fruit
I also have the choice of fixating on making my suffering vanish or finding purpose in it. I can shake my fist at God for placing this burden on us during these critical years. I can think about all the things we are losing as a result. But, the truth is that there will always be some sort of suffering in our lives - if not this then something else. If I compare my situation to someone else’s suffering, I’m shocked by how blessed I am.
Instead, I want to notice the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that have developed in me. These are the things that will continue to grow even after our circumstances have changed. These are more valuable than the time and investment it took to develop them.
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Dear God, when I ask you to remove my suffering, please remind me that the fruit it produces is even sweeter. Help me to trust that you are the great vinedresser who trims and prunes the vine in order to produce something truly wonderful.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”
Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)
“I tell you the solemn truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces much grain.”
John 12:24 [NET]
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit.”
John 15:5 (NLT)
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