How easy it is to think that everything is okay and that we can do things on our own. We don't fully understand how much stress we are carrying or how much help we need because we are so used to our way of life. Often we wait until we are faced with something we can't handle on our own before we realize how important it is for us to be involved in our community. But, when that time comes, we become well aware of just how much or how little support we have in our life. The Peel When Ben’s wife was caring for him by herself, she found help by means of the church, the Day Out Club (for people with dementia), Ben’s small group of men from their church who met regularly, and from other members of her family and friends. She attended support group meetings twice a month and talked to neighbors. “Having others involved was giving me needed breaks and it was good for Bill to have time with others,” she says. Even still, “I did not realize how emotionally exhausted I was until after he was no longer living here with me.” Times of transition are the hardest time of dealing with dementia - perhaps the most difficult being in the beginning. Our loved one is coherent enough to make us think that they are almost normal, yet the disease is present enough to make every interaction a mind-warping exercise. It's exhausting and confusing. We want things to be normal. We hold onto the hope that our promised future is still possible. Giving up and admitting that things are not okay means giving up our dreams. I think that asking for help is the first step toward giving up and it hurts.
The Fruit Pain is a tremendous motivator. When dealing with dementia, we can know that it isn't going to get better. When the pain is manageable, we hold onto our independence as long as we can. However, when the pain becomes unbearable, we reach out to others and ask for help. Doctors can offer diagnoses and can play the part of the bad guy. They can be the bearer of bad news that our loved one should no longer be driving, or that their delusions are actually mental fabrications. Support groups can offer a community of people who understand what we are experiencing. We don't feel isolated or like we are going crazy. Friends can offer functional support through serving and emotional support by being present. The earlier we can involve our family members, the more time they can have to prepare for the inevitable, too. There is honor in asking for help. Shame is when we feel ostracized or alone or unable to fit into a community. Dementia makes us feel like this because we don't see ourselves as someone who should be dealing with this disease. But, the truth is, none of us expected to be dealing with it. There is healing in asking for help. It's important to get others involved as soon as possible - for our own health and for the health of those who also love our dear one. We will be grieving our loss for a long time. But, mourning brings comfort and we need others to listen. There is freedom in asking for help. The sooner we admit that our dreams are not going to be the way we thought they would be, the quicker we can be free from false fantasies. We face the facts and lock arms to deal with what has been dealt to us. Lord, thank you for never abandoning us to deal with life and loss alone. Though you don't promise to take away our painful circumstances, you do promise to be with us - in Spirit and in others. Please help us to find the help we need and help us to set aside our pride that prevents us from asking for it. Deuteronomy 31:6,8 - Be strong and courageous! Do not fear or tremble before them, for the Lord your God is the one who is going with you. He will not fail you or abandon you!” 8 The Lord is indeed going before you—he will be with you; he will not fail you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged!” Matthew 5:4 - “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
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