Holiday Lights

Holidays act like flood lights shining on everything in our lives. We gather around our family and friends to highlight the fact that we are so blessed by being surrounded by loved ones. We indulge in a spread of food that illuminates the incredible bounty in our lives. We give gifts as a sign of our affection and gratitude to the people who make us who we are.

Unfortunately, holidays also cast a light onto our losses. Whether someone has left this life completely or has diminished down to a fraction of who they were, we reminisce and miss the way it was. Like lights on the Christmas tree, these memories twinkle behind the ornaments of celebration.

The Peel

This Christmas and New Year has been particularly pensive for us as we prepare for Ben to move out. He is declining so rapidly that we rely almost completely on hand-motions for communication. Thankfully, his anger has decreased as his confusion has increased and he often resorts to verbal swearing and curses. (It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him swear!) It may not be long before he will need physical help to take care of his basic needs, but Ken and I are not at all equipped for this kind of care.

So this year, the holiday lights are a mixture of emotions. We are sad because this will be the last happy holiday for Ben on this side of heaven. He will soon be in a home that is better prepared to take care of him, but this will be his last celebration. We mourn because Ben has become such a part of our family and household. It’s hard to imagine him not being here and needing us. We are thankful that Ben’s wife is making this decision because I’m not sure that we would be able to make it. She is trying to balance her love for her husband and her love for her son so this is a very difficult decision for her to make.

The Fruit

But, like most things, our melancholy is balanced with excitement. We are starting to think about how we will use our freedom in the new year. We have put off many ventures knowing that we were on a temporary hiatus. We have hunkered down for so long, it is refreshing to think about things we will be able to do, not just what we cannot do.

We are also glad to have been able to serve Ben and his wife for a year and a half. We have learned so much and we have no regrets. It has been hard, but we have also been blessed by it. The holidays shine on both the fullness of life and the shadows of death. In our home, the floodlights outshine the others, and for this we are grateful.

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“The eye is the lamp of the body. If then your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is diseased, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Matthew 6:22-23