You’ve heard it said that what matters most is not what you say to someone, but how you make them feel.
The human race is geared toward acting on emotions. Billboards market a product by using unrelated images that generate excitement. The news infiltrates our homes with propaganda and drama to direct us toward an emotional response. Parents petition their children to listen to advice by couching it in positive terms.
Since Ben can no longer reason or understand much, we rely more and more heavily on ways to make him feel good.
The Peel
The ideal day is when we do things that make him feel good from the get-go. We feed him a breakfast fit for a king, go for a walk, scratch his back, smile and laugh and look him in the eyes. As long as we are doing things that he wants to do, he is happy. A happy day for Ben is a happy day for us all.
The tricky part is when he wants something we just cannot give him. He wants us to heal his dementia, his eyesight, and his allergies. He wants to live elsewhere. He wants to drive 9 hours round-trip to see his financial advisor. He wants our house to stay at 79 degrees!
We have not yet learned the art of making him feel good during these times. We try to explain with logic why we can’t help him, but he doesn’t understand half the words we use nor can he follow an argument. We try to rub his back or give him a hug, but he just pushes us away. We try to line up activities that will get him out of the house, but he turns them down because they are not helping him accomplish his goal.
Only two things work to turn Ben toward feeling good when he is in a negative mood.
The Fruit
Social distraction and Prayer.
Social distraction is when a friend comes over and brings a special drink or a funny joke. Ben is a very social person. Spending an hour with someone he respects makes him feel normal and therefore good. Thank God we have friends who are willing to take time out of their busy days when we call and ask for help.
Prayer is just a conversation with God. There is no magic prayer for calming Ben down. But, when he is upset with us about something we can’t change, it helps to turn our attention to the one who can bring peace. It’s amazing how often we get a reprieve from a heated moment after calling out to our Lord in the name of Jesus. Thank God he is always ready and willing to listen to us.
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4 Wealth adds many friends, but a poor person is separated from his friend.
Proverbs 19:4 (NET)
30 A bright look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the body.
Proverbs 15:30 (NET)
14 And this is the confidence that we have before him: that whenever we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in regard to whatever we ask, then we know that we have the requests that we have asked from him.
1 John 5:14-15 (NET)
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