Delusions and hallucinations are a common occurrence among people living with dementia and Alzheimer’s. Delusions are mis-beliefs while hallucinations have to do with sensing something that isn’t real. Both are incredibly unsettling for the person and fill him or her with fear and anger. They are exhausting for the caregiver as well who is on the receiving end of weird information and chaotic emotions. It’s like living in a dream-world, unsure where reality ends and fantasy takes over.
The Peel
It is hard for us to know what’s true and what’s hallucination when he announces that his wife said she will come over at 2pm today, or when he is dogmatic about having already taken his medication for the morning. Similarly, does he really believe that his son doesn’t give a damn about him, or is he just expressing anger? We can call his wife and check his meds to verify his claims. We can also tell ourselves that he is likely just expressing emotions, and convince ourselves that his delusions are not personal attacks. Juggling these details adds up to mental fatigue for those giving care.
Then, add to that the inability to distinguish between night and day. Waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom launches his morning routine of getting dressed, brushing his teeth and going downstairs for his breakfast. His shoes are loud on our hardwood floors and he has developed a cough that announces his presence. Sometimes we sleep through his night wanderings and other times we wake up and redirect him back to bed. Last night, he was convinced that it was morning and someone was picking him up soon. He refused to put on PJs and had his bag packed and ready to go. He must have gotten up 5 times throughout the night looking for his ride.
The Fruit
The fruit is not so clearly recognizable when surrounded by exhaustion. But, it’s still there. I’m reminded that this world is temporary and that much of it is meaningless in light of a long-term perspective. What is truly important to Ben today - his success as a businessman, or his relationship with his children? Years of looking for the ideal place to live now yield to being told that he cannot live at home. Golden retirement years are more like the yellow brick road.
The American Dream streams on every channel and website, but it is a delusion. Promises are made on billboards, in classrooms, and at every juncture of our lives, but they are tantalizing temptations to pursue temporary things that ultimately have little value. Ben is not the only one who lives in a dream-world unsure of what to believe and what not to. Given our current situation, we’re forced to reflect on how to best use the time we have in this life. Before Ben got this disease, it was easy to get busy doing quick and urgent things in life. But, now that he lives with us, we have large chunks of time to just sit and think or pray about the important things in life. That has to be good, right?
More than ever, we appreciate our marriage, our friendships, and our God. These times are hard, but hard things are not always bad. I love my husband more and more as I see him struggle and grow. He needs me and I need him and we cling to each other. My friends care about us and walk alongside us and ask us how we are holding up nearly every day. God has blessed me over and over with power, patience, and a sense of purpose. I’m developing a deeper sense of what is really important vs. what will soon be forgotten.
Lord, you see the long-term perspective. You know what is real and what isn’t. I feel as though you are teaching me to see things with your perspective.
[1 Corinthians 4:17-18]
For our momentary, light suffering is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison because we are not looking at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.
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