Plantains - tender on the inside and fibrous on the outside. That’s how most of us are, too. To get to the good stuff inside, we need to cut away the protective outer peel. It’s a tough and painstaking process. But, the result is worth the labor. I never realized how much outer peel I have until recently.
In August 2019, I started being an in-home primary caregiver for my father-in-law, Ben. It is a tough and painstaking burden, and it feels like my protective skin is being cut away. But through it, I’m growing and learning so much about myself and life. In these pages, I’ll share some difficulties of dealing with the disease as a caretaker and the fruit that is found within each scenario. I pray that it will be an uplifting, helpful, and encouraging journal. God knows that we all need more of that in our lives.
The Peel
My husband, our three teenagers, and I were driving 10 hours from Connecticut to Ohio coming home from a lovely two week vacation together. My daughter was planning to move out of the house in a few weeks, so it was a bit of a final hurrah as a nuclear family. Half-way home, we received a phone call from my mother-in-law saying that she had escaped to her neighbor’s house to call us because she was in fear of her life. Her husband’s Alzheimers and dementia had caused the man she loved to seriously threaten her. She called the police and they took him to the hospital. Talk about a last hurrah!
August was a flurry of activity. We had already committed to hosting an international student from India for four days so he and my father-in-law both moved in a few days later. We had also pre-committed to renting our spare room to an international student from China, so two weeks later, she moved in and my daughter moved out. Sleepless nights and navigating days by the seat of our pants are the best description of how we were operating that month.
The Fruit
My friend, Ginny, is an integral part of my blessing. She is the primary caretaker for her mother who is also afflicted with Alzheimers. We have shared so many stories, laughs, frustrations, and fears. Just having someone who understands what you are going through is very therapeutic! She has become a dear friend and perhaps a co-conspirator in this blogging endeavor.
Other fruit is that our children have seen us struggle with real life and make sacrifices to accommodate both their needs and Ben’s. The internationals have seen how we respect those who deserve respect but cannot return it. My husband has repeatedly relinquished his own self-centeredness. We have been helped by so many friends and family and Christian acquaintances - we cannot help but be thankful when we look around us.
It’s easy to focus on the circumstances, but it’s sweeter to see the fruit that is borne from it. I don’t think we will ever feel ripe or ready to be peeled. But, here goes everything...
Comments