Dementia reduces people’s capacity to the point of only being able to process one thing at a time. It’s no wonder they can’t remember why they are staring into the refrigerator - it took all their focus just to get there.
The Peel
If Ben has something on his mind, there is no point for me to introduce another topic until his first topic has come to a resolution. When I see him in the morning, the first thing he does is take his medication. But, when he comes downstairs looking for something or needing help getting dressed, I shouldn’t even bother mentioning his medication. First we need to find what he is looking for or help him finish his process. Even if the thing on his mind is trivial, it’s best to take care of it first. Trying to introduce an alternative topic only causes confusion and agitation.
When he is requesting something from us, we usually have no idea what words he is trying to use. Since he gets angry if we fail to help him, it’s tempting to ask for clarification by saying, “Are you talking about X?” But, if he is asking about Y, then introducing X into the conversation is an interruption of his train of thought. It is better for us to ask him to clarify by saying, “Can you show me what you’re talking about?” or just wait a few moments in silence to see if he says more about it.
Also, if several of us are talking, he may ask about the conversation and the topic becomes the one thing on his mind. Then, for a long time afterward, he may try to contribute to the group dialogue. Typically, the group changes topics relatively rapidly, so Ben’s comments seem entirely unrelated as he makes them. But, most likely he is just still thinking about his one thing.
If I ask him a question and he answers me, I can’t always be sure that his answer is a response to my question. “Would you like to go for a walk with me?” “Yep!” I go get my coat on and he sits down to watch football. He may have been thinking about football and heard me say, “Do you want to ________?”
The Fruit
Understanding this is very useful in caregiving. There is no need for me to push an agenda. Rushing him is really asking him to abandon his one thought. And when he is talking to me, I can say, “Tell me more about that,” instead of asking him “Did you _____?” Or if he makes a random comment, I can think back in time to decipher the context.
Understanding this is also useful in my personal life. Slowing down and taking care of one thing at a time reminds me that I don’t need to be in a hurry. I can be happy doing less at a relaxed pace. The older I get, the more I understand the importance of loving others and living a life that glorifies God. Using these as my guiding principles, it’s clear how much of my busyness is about other less important things. Focusing on one thing at a time makes it easier to focus my attention on what is most important.
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Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead, with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14
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