Captain America: “Dr. Banner. Now might be a really good time to get angry.”
Dr. Banner: “That’s my secret Captain. I’m always angry.”
When Dr. Banner keeps the Hulk under control, he seems like a placid loving man. You would never guess that he is a furious monster on the inside - ready in a moment’s notice to leap up and lash out. Anything can summon the Hulk: fear, rage, a slap in the face, or just a decision to let him loose. One theory I read is that Dr. Banner’s heart rate just needs to increase for any reason in order for the Hulk to emerge.
The Peel
Thunderfoot emerges in a very similar fashion - quickly, unexpectedly, and at times lethally. We may be having a fun time together playing a game or engaging in conversation, then something will set Ben off to the effect that Thunderfoot roars at us for cheating or embarrassing him. To me, it seems completely out of the blue. Did I do something to deserve to be attacked like that?
Ben has to work hard to keep Thunderfoot under wraps. His anger and his confusion are chomping at the bit to be released and hurled at anyone and everyone. Even the smallest crack in his cage sends Thunderfoot thumping.
Sometimes I’m afraid to let my guard down enough to enjoy the moments when Thunderfoot is tamed. I laugh and smile as much as I can, but there’s a part of me that wonders when the axe is going to drop. So, throughout the day, I try to think through every condition that might ignite Thunderfoot into action. Then I preemptively avoid that scenario in a sort of dance to avoid possible triggers.
The result is exhaustion for both of us. To be honest, the dance doesn’t really help in the end either.
The Fruit
Sometimes I did do something to trigger him. Sometimes I did something days before but it was still on his mind. Sometimes I just happen to be in the same room with him when a thought pops into his mind to set him off. I was just a nearby target. The point is that Thunderfoot’s rage may be directed at someone, but not be a result of that person. He may just be angry because of his condition and the loss his condition inflicts. Him lashing out at me may be just an expression of his overall feelings.
How often have I done this myself? I get upset because I forgot to purchase a key ingredient while I was at the store, but I lash out at my husband for some completely unrelated offense. Or I feel helpless when I drive by the homeless beggar, but I yell at the kids for not pitching in more around the house.
God, I look to you for the patience and energy that I need to treat your beloved creation with respect and love. You have been patient with me. Help me to see his anger as a product of his disease, not as a personal attack. Help me to have compassion for his struggles instead of being consumed by my own wounds.
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