The Bible describes a choice between loving the world system and loving God. The world says, good is defined by the individual or by the community. Good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is punished. God says, good is based on what He says. We inherently fail by not trusting Him completely. Failure is still punished, but if we ask Him, he will receive our punishment instead.
The Peel
Ben actually thinks that I am the cause for his current misery. And, from his vantage point, he is right. This vacation is my doing; he is hot because the house has no A/C; the scrape on his arm is caused by the doorknob. He can’t have Ken’s undivided attention because of me and our family; I don’t cook the food he likes; I talk too fast or too loudly or too softly. Every attempt I make to be friendly reminds him of how much he hates his situation. It doesn’t matter that I am making every effort to be good or do what is loving. In his eyes, I am a self-centered failure. His anger, yelling, and disgust toward me is his way of giving me exactly what I deserve.
From my perspective, I do the best I can given the circumstances. I try to cook the foods he likes and serve them the way he likes them; I talk more loudly and slowly compared to normal; I balance caring for him and caring for my own family. My intentions are good, but there is no possible way for me to be “good” in his eyes. I am subject to his doling out justice.
It struck me today that Bill is giving me exactly what I deserve. From his perspective, I don’t give him what he needs or I don’t deliver it well. This is the retribution of a system that is based on the perspective of man. My “punishment” from him is a taste of hell - endless accusations, a lack of love, and an underlying fear of more to come.
The Fruit
Though this "living hell" is a heavy burden, one thing that keeps me going is knowing that it is temporary. I have the hope of a day when it will end. When that day comes, I will be glad to have lived it so that I can fully appreciate life out from under it. In the same way, I look forward to being in heaven and I know I will appreciate it more having once lived apart from God.
I am even more thankful for the forgiveness and acceptance that God offers. We all reject God in one form or another. We are all bound for hell based on our own efforts. How thankful I am that a humble heart and a call to God for forgiveness is the doorway to a life of acceptance, love, and joy in his presence.
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6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand—
you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
8 I take joy in doing your will, my God,
for your instructions are written on my heart.”
Psalm 40:6,8 NLT
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